The Workish Guide to a Pet Friendly Office

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According to a recent study in Pawntrepreneur Magazine, employees who bring dogs to their offices report lower stress, improved relationships, even more trusting and collaborative environments. Though pet-friendly places of businesses can lead to an undesirable claws and effect (pets can cause allergies, unwanted noise, even damage re-fur-bished office furniture), when a co-worker brings a four-legged BFF to your industrial bark, there’s no need to raise the ruff.

But now that employers see the pet-tential of allowing dogs at work, the floodgates are opening: parakeets, rabbits, even pigs are becoming resident bureaucats. So if your company is scurrying to separate from the pack, consider these rare (and perfectly legal) live corporate mascots for an added (and unnecessary) level of brand awareness.

While permits and cross-border imports can be a challenge, once these exotic animals are in Canada, they’re legitimately lawful to adopt, and in most cases, will enhance life at work in an unforeseen matter of course. Who knows…their unique traits just might improve the bottom line at places like Big Bank Savings and Bone. At the very least, they’ll make the puns go away.

The Capybara

Hailing from South Africa, Capybaras are dog-sized creatures who can weigh over 120 pounds. Though basically just big rodents, these semi-aquatic creatures will enjoy a quick dip in the Four Seasons pool at the Q1 planning offsite. Their aggression and sharp teeth might be momentarily off-putting, but not to worry: they’ll help boost creativity and problem-solving when brainstorming sessions hit a lull. Plus, you’ll get brownie points if you work on the strat team for Capybara Med Tech.

The Muntjac Deer

Joining us from Southeast Asia, this small breed of deer grows to a height of about 20 inches, weighs 15 pounds, and can be trained like a cat for all types of environments. Known as the Barking Deer, the Muntjac are an ideal fit for those suburban office environments with rooftop patios near 45 km of open forest. Though their invasive reputation and constant yelping might add unwanted tension, the Muntjac Deer’s interruptions during client presentations will showcase your ability to lead with agility and be open to change.

The Wallaby

Popular in Alberta, Australian Wallabies weigh up to 50 pounds when fully grown. Though they require a playpen for safety and comfort during training, their cute demeanor is balanced by a tendency to bite: their impulse towards candor will add a dose of honesty in those typically-passive quarterly reviews. Confidential to CFO’s: thanks to a take-me-anywhere organizational pouch, you’ll never lose another credit card receipt. Take that, Incase!

The Tiger

While legal in most parts of Ontario, tiger cubs typically sell for about $3,000 each. They’re also bred as cats and unsurprisingly grow into, you know, tigers. Unless you’re a regional manager for There’s a Live Tiger in My Office Cloud Solutions, you may want to avoid this one. Though tigers reinforce an aggressive strategy and added motivation to crush stretch targets, their propensity to maul humans will become a literal disrupter. Plan for additional health & safety training, a higher-than-normal turnover rate, and eventual rebranding due to the fact that the boss’ tiger wiped-out more than the F-Drive.

While penguins and pandas promote savings accounts and cellular coverage, owls are actually the toughest animals to corral. Actually, you might avoid chasing your tail by sticking with retrievers.

They work well in Labs.